My wife just scared the Bejeezus out of me

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 10/21/2015 at 14:06 • Filed to: Marriage

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I’m slogging it through somewhere on an Eastside back road when my phone rings. ‘Tis my wife. She basically never calls me during work unless it’s urgent. I pick up.

“Yes?”

“I need you to look at a pic I sent you... a light came on on the Vibe and I don’t know what it is or if it’s going to blow up or what.”

“Oh... I haven’t gotten the pic yet can you describe it? Is an oil lamp or engine block? Or..”

“I don’t know! Just call me back when you get the pic please so I know if I have to pull over, please!”

Oh fuck, I’m thinking. I just bought this nice car, and two weeks in the CEL turns on? Or maybe it ran out of oil? I heard about some problems with oil consumption on the 1ZZ Oh Christ I’ve been had by that car dealer! Fuck everything!

A few seconds later my phone buzzes with the image. I press view. And..........

I start laughing. Thank you, various Gods! I call back my wife. She answers with a hint of saddenned resignation:

“Hello?”

“Yeah that’s just your tire pressure dummy light... it means a tire has low pressure... You’re fine. Just add some air when you get a chance.”

[Relieved] “Oh... [sweetly] Thaaanks baaaabe!”

“Love you too.”

*END*

OCD-CO > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:10

4

Making your Wife fill the tire?!

Man..............

BJ > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:13

1

Wife: “A light come on in the dash.”
Me: “Look it up in the instruction manual.”
*hangs up*

This was (more-or-less) the conversation I had with my wife the last time it happened to her. I suspect it will be the exact same the next time it happens.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:17

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that gif is perfect

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:19

2

I HATE those calls. I remember the one I got when her sportwagen just stopped (exploded high pressure fuel pump). Frankly I was glad it was car related though, everytime she calls me at work with that worried tone I go into worst case scenario mode.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:19

2

Haha, best one, my Mom who has been married to my dad for over 30 years (he’s a master mechanic, runs/owns his own shop and my mom is up front, knows tons about cars and can normally tell you what’s wrong with a car, what parts it needs without seeing it. There’s your backstory).

Well she drove one of those typical 80’s mom-minivans while I was growing up, finally bought her first ever brand new vehicle - a 2001 Dodge Durango (still drives it, though she’s finally selling it) after having it for a year or so she tells my Dad the “Movie Camera” light came on in the dashboard. He of course says what the hell are you talking about? She says “It looks like a movie camera!” so he ignores her for a few days and she says it’s still on.

He finally checks

Check engine light, she thought the engine shape was a movie camera.

FACEPALM

(yes I still make fun of her for it)

luvMeSome142 & some Lincoln! > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:20

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MY GOD! That’s the light that indicates that a quadriplegic is being lowered headfirst into a giant cauldron!

S62B50daily > BJ 10/21/2015 at 14:23

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Wife: “A light come on in the dash.”

Me: “Look it up in the instruction manual.”

*hangs up*

This was (more-or-less) the conversation I had with my wife the last time...

... she ever talked to me

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:38

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Check the sensor on the spare.

vicali > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:44

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Had a call back when my wife and I were just dating; “I’m at Jiffy lube and they said the engine just sucked in a shop rag..” me “I’m on my way.”

Turns out the ‘mechanic’ tried to wipe off his oil overspill while the car was running.. Torque converter took his rag right out of his hand - lucky he didn’t lose any fingers. Manager tried to tell my wife that her bone stock jetta was missing a ‘safety cover’ and we were lucky he didn’t get hurt..

Yeah, 10 years later our cars don’t go anywhere I don’t know before the hood goes up.

Manic Otti > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:54

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That looks like the “The King is nearby” warning light.

Klaus Schmoll > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 14:54

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She took that pic at 65 mph??? I think I’m supposed to voice disapproval or something... Have a pic of my car at 123456.

TheRealBicycleBuck > OCD-CO 10/21/2015 at 14:55

3

The rule in our house - no license until you can change a tire, check and change the oil, check and refill both windshield washer fluid and coolant, and change the windshield wipers. You must also know what every sticker on the car means (registration & inspection) and where your paperwork (insurance and registration) is stored. You must also be able to read said paperwork to determine if it is out of date.

Applies to both sons and daughters.

TheRealBicycleBuck > HammerheadFistpunch 10/21/2015 at 15:20

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It is worse when your wife is at home and the security company calls to tell you there is a fire in the house. Then she doesn’t answer either the home phone or her cell phone....

Rico > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 15:28

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It doesn't say which tire? Does she have a gauge? Don't just let her fill every tire to her hearts content or you're going to have a bad time. Look at the sticker on the driver door jamb for proper pressures.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Rico 10/21/2015 at 15:50

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She knows how to add air to tires...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > TheRealBicycleBuck 10/21/2015 at 16:03

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Yeah my cat set off an alarm once and I get a call that I’m being robbed.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two 10/21/2015 at 16:04

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Hey now

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 16:06

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For reals. It’s essentially a Toyota product. Common issue.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 16:06

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We had a couple of dog-setting-off-alarm issues, but nothing scared me as much as the fire. Yep, it was a real fire. My wife wasn’t home, but her cell phone was. The firefighters gained access by breaking the glass in the back door. It was a small kitchen fire. The only damage was from smoke and a firefighter’s boot to the back door.

Rico > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/21/2015 at 16:09

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I’m not saying she doesn’t I’m saying there doesn’t seem to be a way to tell what the pressures are at! My car tells me the pressure of each tire but I still use a digital gauge (formerly a stick analog gauge) just to be sure I don’t add too much or too little. I keep my pressures 2 PSI over what’s on the door jamb which in turn are 2 PSI under the max load.

I’m definitely not saying she doesn’t know! Incorrect tire pressure can screw up your gas mileage at best and your handling/tire wear at worst.

BKosher84 > Rico 10/21/2015 at 16:20

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Bahaha.. Speaking of adding air to you’re hearts content.. I watched a woman the other day fill her car tire up to 70psi.. I swear.. We were at one of those places with the tire filler where you set the PSI and it stops when it reaches a point.. Well she would add air.. Then check her TPMS light.. Then up the PSI again.. Add more air.. Wash, rinse, repeat for about 5 minutes.. She finally stopped after 70psi.

Rico > BKosher84 10/21/2015 at 17:03

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It’s not just women, I saw a guy literally adding multiple quarters to the air machine over and over just adding more and more air. I finally came over to him and told him he could use my gauge and showed him on the door where the proper pressures were.

His car also didn’t say which tire was low, only that at least 1 was low. When we used the gauge each tire was almost 20 PSI over AND on top of that he said used a gauge before and added enough air to “match the pressure it says on the tire”.

This is why I’m saying she should use a gauge if the car is not reading PSI of each tire.

That would be like getting a check engine light and adding oil to the car. Who knows what's actually wrong?

samssun > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 10/22/2015 at 01:23

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I read “that’s just your tire pressure dummy light” as “that’s just your tire pressure light, dummy”. But good for her for attempting a diagnosis at 70mph.